Thursday, April 23, 2015

What to do, what to do

I haven't wrote on here in forever.  I'll admit that I've lost some of my fondness for politics.  I now believe that it's pointless; there are too many Hutus and not enough Tutsis.  That being said, I miss writing on this blog.  Writing, expressing one's ideas and sharing them is exhilarating.  It's my pointless personal accomplishment.  It makes me feel good, and I miss it.

Right now, I'm at work, not working.  Thinking...procrastinating, wondering what should I do.  I don't know.

Here I write to no one but myself.  One day, I'll have more to say, something more salient regarding the state of the world.  That's not today.

I'm 38 years old and I've yet to live.  I recently had a son and it hasn't changed everything.  I'm still me, and he's a bag full of mush.  He's cool and all, but I'm still me.  In the early days, my son made me think of my own mortality in a very positive, or neutral light.  Having always been scared of death, he helped me see that we aren't even fully alive when we are alive.  He is not who he will become and I was once like that.  It's humbling, freeing, and a bit scary.

I'm going to switch jobs at work.  I'll be with the same company, just going to another team.  This job constantly depresses me and I don't fully understand why.  It's a huge company where no one cares about you, and I don't fit in that well...I guess that's it.  Anyway, one day I hope to start my own thing.  I don't even care about the money (well, a little) but I'll never make real money working at a job I dislike for someone else.

If I ever hope to be really wealthy, the only path is as an entrepreneur.  Unfortunately, I don't know if I have what it takes.  I think most entrepreneurs start young, they have this internal drive that's present their whole life.  I don't think that spark is in me.  My wife sort of has it, when she's excited.  She's good at seeing problems or potential solutions.  I live such a simple life, that my imagination isn't as active as others.  I'm jealous.

I'm going to finish our second app, that's my second futile accomplishment after this blog.  Nice to be back, and time to get to back to work.


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